Mix Tape

Written in November 2016
Alternate Title:
Too scared to let go of a troubled past

 

How do I say goodbye

to my mother?

Where are the words

that this page will find

bearable?

 

Now is a time

when my thoughts are so sacred

that speaking them aloud

turns them to a poison

that causes my voice to break

and tears to spill

from my eyes.

 

Like soldiers before battle

I turn my mind to encouragements

and solemn songs

of brave endings.

 

Say something, I’m giving up on you.

I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you.

And I will swallow my pride

You’re the one that I love

And I’m saying goodbye.

 

I try to bolster my courage

with the energy that comes

from recollecting your behavior

You treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn’t have to stoop so low

 

And I step into stories

that echo my feelings

with the meanings hidden

between the lines

 

Don’t nod don’t laugh all nicely

Don’t sigh, don’t sip your iced tea.

So cordial, so rotten…

Kiss, kiss, let’s meet for breakfast.

Don’t be so damn benign

Don’t waste my fucking time

Don’t ask me how I’ve been

 

Although my own words

are insufficient

I find meaning

in the words of others

 

I don’t want to drag it out

Don’t wanna bring you down

I never wanted it to end this way

Maybe I was holding on too tight

I guess that this is over now

I guess it’s called the falling out

Just turn your back away and leave

There’s nothing I can say to you to make you feel alive again.

 

Shall I march into the unknown?

I know not what to say.

Perhaps I can send her a mix-tape.

 

The ghosts of yesterday,

Refuse to fade away.

And they’ll haunt this place,

Till we accept our fate,

that it’s time to walk away.

Cause we’re holding on to what we had.

Too scared to let go of a troubled past.

Though the memories will always last,

It’s not enough to stay,

So I’ll walk away.

 

I’m saying Goodbye.

Don’t ask me how I’ve been.

This is over now.

There is nothing I can say to you.

Accept our fate.

It’s time.

 

This is goodbye

I’m saying it’s time.

Our fate is over now.

Don’t ask me.

There is nothing I can say.

 

This is a burial

and I want the words to be noble

a worthy epitaph

for a bond that once was holy.

 

Where are the words for that?

Instead I see inadequate sentences

scrawled on this page

like a break-up

from pre-teens

in a text message.

 


 

links to songs used above:

 

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