A Poem for December

A Poem for December


I miss the idea

of how things could have been.

I wish I could have stayed longer.


I had to protect myself.

You do not understand


you will not see

that the danger is you.

I need to feel safe.

Anything less

requires an immediate change.

I will not settle

for maybe

or almost

because love needs to be free.


I waited

a long time

for the scene to change;

for you to prove

that my deepest fears

were as you said-



There is irony here

but it gives me no relief.

You told me

that I was


Now our actions

have been laid

on the table.

To defy logic

and reason

is ridiculous.

Long past the time

it would have been


for me to have hope

I continued

to wait.


My doubts,

my intuition,

have not betrayed me,

but still,

it feels like a betrayal.

For to no longer believe

that you love me

is like choosing to

wound myself.


I grieve this.

Deeply in my soul

in every toe and finger

I feel loss.

I ache for what is not.

Tears come

but they do not wash away

the hurt.


I have some control

to make choices

but I can no longer

choose you.

You are gone.

Your love is gone.

I will not attempt

to control you.

I am setting you free

because love is free.


I am freeing myself

from my fear

of your rejection.

I face it now, daily,

and it does not

empty me of myself.

Your rejection is building up around me

protection from your

double messages and your half-truths.


The truth is not pleasant

but it is something solid to stand on

and that is a comfort.

I am not worried about doubts

knocking my feet out from under me.

I got tired of that.


I am ready

to say goodbye.

Goodbye over and over

and over again,

until this fear steps back.

Your rejection;

no longer a monster

that I avoid,

but an accepted chapter

in my story.